December 30th, 2004

i dont know if this is appropriate here, but what the hell

I had dreams about social things last night, although i dont remember quite what.

It had a lot to do with the agitation of polarity vs. what i was bitching about earlier.

The part i remember was, I was hella different looking in this dream. I had that mohagony hair i had that kicked ass when i started EMT training, but it was very curly sue meets sado masochism. lol i dont know, don't ask.

The other part was that I had invited people over i didn't particularly like, and they weren't leaving. One of the men that was over (i'm not sure how many people there were) came in. He was buff, kinda native american looking, with long black hair tied back that was silky smooth. I remember thinking it must be soft considering how it was falling outo f the rubber band on the back of his head. He had big ass gauged earrings, that looked just like the owner of sub qs. He goes "i need a damn blanket" and grinning this awful grin yanks the blanket from under me, that was currently neatly done on the bed. I tell him there's some on the couch, so he throws it back at me. I'm pissed.

Mentioning the blanket up there helped me remember a whole flood of other stuff. Score. Here goes.

In past dreams, I've dreamt of this apartment. I haven't described it before, because I hadn't been able to remember. It's kinda like our old one, this one bedroom one, but the inside is brown and long, with two bed and a tv set up like a motel. There's a long window over the two beds, with funny curtains. It feels unnatural, dirty, but homely. I'm never quite at ease there, as we moved there in a hurry in a past dream and only come here during agitated dreams, like when I need to escape, the time in a dream when my cat got hit by a car outside etc... one time there were orange poppies out front.

This time, I was riding in the back of my station wagon. I was me as a little girl, although i'm not sure if that's how everyone else would have perceived it. We were driving through what looked like an alley in sacramento, the kind over off of N street by hilarys, not the hella paved up ones. It was bumpy, and mikey turns from the front driver's seat (i'm in the back) and there's some girl in the passenger seat that I don't remember who it was, but it was a female that I very much loved (not romantically, but more powerfully than usual).

Anyway, mikey turns to me and goes "We're finally leaving. Say goodbye to your old apartment." Bewildered, i look around me and am surrounded by my belongings. I was contented to see the tarot and my black book. We must really be moving. They packed my things" i thought.

Immediately, as if time froze and we all switched spaces, although I dont remember ... oh shit i do remember. WHAT A WICKED DREAM! :)

That was me in the front seat from earlier. The older, loved and loving female. At that moment, I realize that the now me, the current me, is the one sitting in the front seat telling the child me in the back about the old apartment. While the old me is doing this, the new me is filled with a joy that almost made me cry in the dream. I remember sitting there holding back tears and looking out the wagon's window, listening to the tire jingle as I said goodbye one last time, and remembered what it looked like inside like i do about all the places i miss when i'm nostalgic.

When i get sad, sometimes I retreat back to whatever living quarters i lived in at the time in my head. I still remember in great detail what my walls at my parents looked like when I was 13 vividly because of this. This has nothing to do with the dream, but at the same time it does. In that dream, thisfeeling of recollection is what I acknowledged as divine at the moment, and thanked myself for.

the feeling of happiness the girl in the front seat has lol is making current me get all teary eyed. What a wonderful dream. I'm glad i decided to come here and talk it out and remember.

At this time, my memories of what occured go back to the child of me in the backseat and her perspective. She gazes up at the window as Old me is telling her about it, and I see my blanket. The one mentioned earlier, the one I use all the time (the green and purple and beige one thats kinda flowery woo woo earthy iono). It was rammed in with a bunk bed, i could see it entangled in feet. The different curtain than what i remember from before was up, but not closed all the way, and in the peep between the curtain and the wall, the feet on a top bunk were there entangled with the blanket. I remember thinking how sad it was i left the blanket behind.

My memory jumps back to Old me persepctive now. She saw the blanket too, but to her, it was neatly showing through the peep on the top bunk, alone and folded up. Purposefully left for a reason. She was pained for a minute to lose an object she loved, but it was just an object to her.

Much like that blanket really is. I love it and all, but it holds no sentimental value. i'm going to ahve to look up what blankets represent on dreammoods